50 things wrong with ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

Fusion

Last night, Fusion’s culture team went to see Fifty Shades of Grey. It got real. The movie started funny-bad, evolved into boring-bad, but ultimately proved to be what the fuck, how was that even an ending-bad. Our abs are still sore from laughing, and from laughing harder when the lady sitting in front of us got incredibly angry with us for laughing.

Here are 50 very good reasons why you can skip a trip to the movie theater this Valentine’s Day — or maybe see The SpongeBob Movie instead?

  1. There’s no facial hair on Jamie Dornan — he is so much hotter with a scruffy beard.
  2. The movie’s opening shot of Christian’s closet is also the movie’s sexiest shot. It’s so organized it’s pornographic.
  3. The panda Rorschach painting turned us off permanently. He has awful taste in art.
  4. Every department in Ana’s college is in the same hallway.
  5. Anastasia uses her GPA as a directional tool in addition to…

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